I just can't be positive all the time. Today is a real downer. It's not just today, but today I'm feeling it more than ever.
Life is supposed to be about constant change and a surprise around every corner. I could sure use one today.
All I see before me is a monotonous spread of days just like the one before. Frosted Flakes, treadmill, business books, yell at the kids, take kids to something to try and entertain them, salami sandwiches, work on my rugs, afternoon snack, read a book, try and find something to make for dinner, dinner, baths, solitaire on the couch while watching Chelsea Lately, Carl gets home, put kids to bed, watch Carl eat dinner, put Carl to bed, read until after House Hunters.
This can't be all there is. Should I feel the security of the sameness of it all?
I feel tired of being a mom 24 hours a day for the past 9 years. I feel tired of never seeing my husband. I feel tired of not having any money. I feel tired of feeling tired.
I just get the feeling that this everyday nothingness is not what I was put here to do with my life.
When will things get better? When will there be surprises and family vacations that are more than a 6 hour car ride away? When will I enjoy life again? Life was not meant to be a day by day struggle just to stay sane.
ARGGGHHHHH!
It's probably just my hormones, but I'm allowed a day or two a month to wallow in my less than stellar life.
It's nothing that a $25,000,000 check couldn't fix instantly.
I'm gonna step out on a limb and say that at this point in my life, money could indeed buy me happiness. It wouldn't fix all my problems, but it would definitely make the most bothersome ones go away.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Great Recession Update
There have been a lot of bad signs of the horrible economic times in town this week and it's almost getting a bit overwhelming.
1. The 1 and only Blockbuster video in town was seized by the bank last week. Customers and employees showed up to find the locks changed and the store stripped of everything. Apparently the owner defaulted on a $160,000 loan and the bank seized the assets of the store to be sold at auction.
2. The house down the street has gone into foreclosure. It sold in 2007 to a family from California for $900,000, but they just up and left one day and it is now owned by the bank and on the market for $500,000. That is really going to jack up our property values.
3. Another house down the street had a huge auction over the weekend selling the entire contents of the house. I don't know the particulars, but it didn't look good.
4. The bike store/ coffee shop/ snowboard rental store down the street from my office downtown is suddenly empty. We drive by every day and on Friday everything was gone and there was a huge for lease sign out front.
5. There are 2 more office for lease signs on the street my office is on. Another engineer is moving out, and someone else. That puts my chances of sub-leasing my space at slim to none.
6. So far this year there have been a total of .......7! housing starts in Flagstaff. Seven permits in 6 months. That is insane. No one is building.
7. We were turned down by every bank imaginable this last week for our new truck purchase. We finally found a bank in Minnesota, but every local bank wants nothing to do with us. Even American Express, a company we've been with for the last 5 years won't help us. It's ridiculous how banks have stopped lending on even the most mundane things.
I'm usually very optimistic, but this is starting to look grim.
The only consolation is that the shipping business is rocking. We are so busy.
Carl, who has been working from 5am to 7pm for the last few weeks, is seriously rocking a David Beckham physique. I guess running around all day in 80-90 degree heat lifting 50-150 pound boxes while running is a great workout. Who knew? He's starting to get hit on by all his late 20's to early 30's customers at the mall. He has become the "hot delivery man" to all the store managers.
I am sad to say that he currently weighs only 9 pounds more than me while I rock a Renee Zelwegger in Bridget Jones Diary or Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed type of physique.
I'm looking for a sign of good things to come, but I'm not too hopeful yet.
1. The 1 and only Blockbuster video in town was seized by the bank last week. Customers and employees showed up to find the locks changed and the store stripped of everything. Apparently the owner defaulted on a $160,000 loan and the bank seized the assets of the store to be sold at auction.
2. The house down the street has gone into foreclosure. It sold in 2007 to a family from California for $900,000, but they just up and left one day and it is now owned by the bank and on the market for $500,000. That is really going to jack up our property values.
3. Another house down the street had a huge auction over the weekend selling the entire contents of the house. I don't know the particulars, but it didn't look good.
4. The bike store/ coffee shop/ snowboard rental store down the street from my office downtown is suddenly empty. We drive by every day and on Friday everything was gone and there was a huge for lease sign out front.
5. There are 2 more office for lease signs on the street my office is on. Another engineer is moving out, and someone else. That puts my chances of sub-leasing my space at slim to none.
6. So far this year there have been a total of .......7! housing starts in Flagstaff. Seven permits in 6 months. That is insane. No one is building.
7. We were turned down by every bank imaginable this last week for our new truck purchase. We finally found a bank in Minnesota, but every local bank wants nothing to do with us. Even American Express, a company we've been with for the last 5 years won't help us. It's ridiculous how banks have stopped lending on even the most mundane things.
I'm usually very optimistic, but this is starting to look grim.
The only consolation is that the shipping business is rocking. We are so busy.
Carl, who has been working from 5am to 7pm for the last few weeks, is seriously rocking a David Beckham physique. I guess running around all day in 80-90 degree heat lifting 50-150 pound boxes while running is a great workout. Who knew? He's starting to get hit on by all his late 20's to early 30's customers at the mall. He has become the "hot delivery man" to all the store managers.
I am sad to say that he currently weighs only 9 pounds more than me while I rock a Renee Zelwegger in Bridget Jones Diary or Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed type of physique.
I'm looking for a sign of good things to come, but I'm not too hopeful yet.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Tangible Evidence
It's working. I'm actually moving forward on my rug designs. I have 10 designs for me to tuft here in my studio and 10 designs to send to Nepal for hand knotting.
I've almost finished choosing colors for them all. I've contacted Nepal and I've ordered their color swatches. I've gotten my own FedEx account to make it easier to ship things back and forth to Nepal. I've started making my own tuft samples for my 54 colors that I already have here in the studio.
The next big steps are to get a rug up on my frame, start taking pictures for the web site, send my 10 rug designs to Nepal to get my 10 1'x1' strike offs to check the colors, then finish the web site with photos of the strike offs, and then start showing everything around.
I'm planning on taking a couple of days once school starts to go down to Phoenix and visit the high end rug showrooms and high end interior designers to show them my wares. Of course letting it slip that I'm an architect should get me right in the door, the rest is up to my rugs.
I'm getting excited. It really did work to just stop all the busy work and get down to what it was that I really wanted to do. The writing has taken a back seat, but that's okay. I feel good about moving forward with my rugs. If I am absent here it is because I am getting shit done and no longer writing about what it is that I want to do, but actually doing it.
Isn't that always the key to getting things done? It's so simple it bottles my mind.
I've almost finished choosing colors for them all. I've contacted Nepal and I've ordered their color swatches. I've gotten my own FedEx account to make it easier to ship things back and forth to Nepal. I've started making my own tuft samples for my 54 colors that I already have here in the studio.
The next big steps are to get a rug up on my frame, start taking pictures for the web site, send my 10 rug designs to Nepal to get my 10 1'x1' strike offs to check the colors, then finish the web site with photos of the strike offs, and then start showing everything around.
I'm planning on taking a couple of days once school starts to go down to Phoenix and visit the high end rug showrooms and high end interior designers to show them my wares. Of course letting it slip that I'm an architect should get me right in the door, the rest is up to my rugs.
I'm getting excited. It really did work to just stop all the busy work and get down to what it was that I really wanted to do. The writing has taken a back seat, but that's okay. I feel good about moving forward with my rugs. If I am absent here it is because I am getting shit done and no longer writing about what it is that I want to do, but actually doing it.
Isn't that always the key to getting things done? It's so simple it bottles my mind.
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