Battle Cry

Sunday night I was having a shitty time. I had the Sundays for sure, but sometimes it's those moments of momentous shitaciousness that inspire greatness.
I went into my head and looked for a coping mechanism that would fit the week and came up with a real winner.
Fake it to make it.
I started Monday with that attitude and it has successfully brought me to this moment where I am faking myself out that I am a serious writer and I have serious fans that read my blog religiously and really wonder what I'm up to when I'm not summarizing my life on this page.
The week took a turn on Tuesday and I started to doubt myself and start to feel shitty again, and then I was like, this is total bull shit.
I know who I am.
I am an architect.
I am a business owner.
I am a librarian.
Children love me.
MY children love me.
I can do anything and there isn't anyone, and I mean anyone, that can make me doubt myself.
Of course I am typing this while "Eye of the Tiger" is playing on my Bose, but regardless of that I really had to give myself a pep talk.
I get down on myself sometimes that I am not living up to my full potential, but then I realize all the things I have accomplished cannot be measured by my small paycheck.
Few people can say that they have a job that they truly love and I should be proud of that and treasure it more than monetary compensation.

So the fake it to make it motto will be my battle cry as I run through the holiday season.
I am totally pretending to be a writer. I am pretending to be the kind of woman who gets on her treadmill every day. I am pretending to be the kind of woman who does not eat handfuls of marshmallows every time she passes the pantry. I'm still having trouble with that last one, because I can't imagine anyone passing up marshmallows.
It's an interesting way to live the week, but so far I like it.

Flagstaff 10 Years Later

So this week marks 10 years of living in Flagstaff.
I often times sit on the toilet and think... I have shit here more than anyplace else in the world.
That's just how I wrap my head around the time that has passed. My toilet seat has seen more of my ass than anywhere else in the world.
Leaving California was easy and hard at the same time. We came to a beautiful place from a place full of opportunities. We left a lifestyle behind to embrace mountain living.
Apparently it suits us just fine because we are still here and still loving it.

This is our 1st Christmas is Flagstaff. I don't think I look much different for 10 years older. Isaak even looks the same.

This is one of my favorite photos of all time. We should go up on the mountain and recreate it this month ten years later. This was our first few weeks here. I still used a film camera and often put in black and white film to try and capture life more dramatically. It worked. This photo to me says a lot about life and fatherhood. Now Isaak wears that Dickies jacket.

 

Thanks Flagstaff. Our kids have had a beautiful childhood thanks in part to you.

Katy Perry and Maya Angelou are Tormenting Me

Let's start off my saying that I've been listening to too much Katy Perry.
I bought the album for my 7 year old. She's a big fan, but she is barely interested in the new album.
I however am listening to it quite frequently.
It's in the mix. I keep listening to the "Recently Added" play list and she's in there with Alt J, Black Carl, and a bunch of classical stuff I got from the library. Oh and I stumbled upon some more movie theme songs. Hedwig's Theme is playing right now.
Mix all that together with me reading a book about immortality and right now anything seems possible.
The world is full of possibilities. I am just choosing to ignore most of them. But with all this inspirational music those opportunities are flying around my head in a menacing dance.
Think Beetlejuice mixed with Edward Scissorhands.
Then my FB/highschool friend, who is participating in NANOWRIMO, posted up a link to the most inspirational quotes for writers and I saw this.
It slapped me in the face.

Yes.
I am in agony.
I know this.
I live with this everyday and it drives me crazy. Crazier maybe.