Moving

You know that feeling that you get when you know something new and different is coming and you're anxious and you just want to get it over with while at the same time you want to back in the sameness of things as they exist now.
I've got it bad.
I had it in high school waiting to graduate and I had it in college waiting to graduate and I've got it now pretty bad.
Things are almost too settled. Choices have been made and there are elements that are set in stone.
What is going to change is that:

We are officially moving into town.

There is said it and now I've made a public announcement. Sometime this summer and hopefully before school starts we are going to move. After 9 years in the same house this is a really big deal.
I'm still wrapping my head around it, but change it is a coming.

As we get deeper into the process I'll provide more details.

I'm at home today cataloging books and putting fancy plastic covers on all my hardback first editions and listening to classical music.  

I'm letting my book nerd flag fly.

Trip to Supai

So this is what the Western end of the Grand Canyon looks like.
It looks deep, but what is deceiving is that there is another level of canyons above these walls. On the helicopter ride down to Supai we dropped down thru not one, but two sets of canyons. That is second level deep.
I was there to pass out boxes of crayons, board and picture books, and literacy information to members of the tribe and their children.
The trip was beautiful, eye opening and a little bit depressing. I sat and watched as hikers and tourists passed thru the village with practically no notice of the locals. I watched as mountains of soda were transported by helicopter down to the village.
It was quick in-quick out trip so there wasn't much time to sight see. I took a quick 20 minute out and back walk and came across the view above. This is not the large set of falls that Supai is known for, but the pre-falls falls. Gorgeous.
I'm a little ambivilent about the whole trip. We didn't see too many children. The event was not well attended. It was beautiful, but still like the rest of Arizona at this time of the year. I'm still processing, but not sure we made much of a difference in our visit, but did we really need to make a difference?

Greeting from Flagstaff

Happy 2015!

A few months late I know, but I've been busy. I've got new job and it's full time. That means everyday from 8-5 with no spring break and working year round. It's weird that most adult humans do this.

Things have been getting really strange on this blog. I'm getting notifications that people are actually reading it and I'm not really posting anything.
Apparently Google's web crawlers are a little slow when it comes to small blogs. Stuff that I wrote 2 years ago is now appearing in Google results and I am getting page hits. Like crazy page hits.

I'm happy about it, but figured if people are coming I should give them something to read because I've got a lot to say.

News:

• I now work for the Public Library.
• I still work with kids and have now added singing and dancing to my library skills.
• This Friday I will be traveling to one of the most remote areas of the US to deliver books to children. I will take scads of fabulous photos and post upon my return. Supai here I come.
• There is more house/Bank of America drama coming and I will report it all here. It's bizarre and unexplainable and frankly just exhausting.
• I bought a fancy Persian cat. He is named Frank and will be featured prominently here from now on.
• Yes I am a book lady and a cat lady, but I also kick ass in so many ways that I am sure you will be entertained by my musings and comments on life.
• I met Fred Durst a few weeks ago and then was told "No" by Chris Robinson when I asked for a photo in Vegas last weekend. Rereading that I feel that those are two totally unrelated stories.
• I will turn 40 in just 2 months. Holy Crap!

Join me.  I will take you for a ride.

Lose It! App

Okay, so I am trying to lose a little weight.

I got a little overindulgent over Christmas and just December in general. My pants were getting a little tight and I'll be damned if I buy a pair of size 10 pants.

I looked over a lot of options and finally chose the Lose It! app.

I have never done this before, but I am now counting calories. Usually when I want to drop a few I just try and eat less and work out more and I am usually disappointed by the results. The last time I lost a lot of weight was for my sister's wedding back in 2008. I got down to 130 and looked fabulous, but it was hard to keep off.

Now keep in mind when I tell you my weights that I have a good 8lbs of tits (4 on each side). So if it seems high, please take that into consideration.

I try to stay just below 140. It is a good weight for me and I usually flux between 138 and 142 which I am fine with. When I got on the scale after Christmas I was on the far side of 140 and creeping up on 150 and I cannot stand for that. Nothing motivates me more than scary scale numbers, so since Jan 1 I have been counting calories.

I figured I need to eat around 1500 calories a day to lose a pound a week. So far it's been pretty good. I can still eat whatever I want which includes a lot of ice cream and occasional donuts, but once I hit that limit I am out for the day as far as eating. Some days and some foods are a guessing game as to exact calories consumed, but I'm making an educated guess as I log my foods.

Tomorrow is a big log-in for me. I am hoping to be near 140 tomorrow am when I weigh in. It is a very slow moving diet. If anything it has made be more conscious of how many calories some foods have. Chips seem to be the worst in calorie count so those have been mostly cut out of my diet (except for when dining at Chipotle). Even if I don't hit my goal of one pound a week I know I will get there if I keep logging my food and trying to stay around 1500 calories. I had a setback last week with my flu and just ate when I was hungry. I didn't let my stomach growl. I needed the food and energy to fight off the germs.
I have no big date in my mind of when I want to be back down to 135, but however long it takes I will be happy. I will feel better. My clothes will fit better and I will be healthier.

Overall it's a great app. I'm not sure if it's the app itself, or just me committing to keep track of my calories, but the app makes it easy to log it. Not all foods can be found in this app, but if you break a food down into it's component parts you can get pretty close. It also logs exercise. The numbers don't usually jive between what Lose It! says and my treadmill as far as calories burned, but I try and find something close. If I burn 300 calories, I can eat 300 more calories and take my daily intake up to 1800. Therefor a day with a donut means I MUST get on the treadmill.

I'll keep you posted, but I've got my fingers crossed for 140 tomorrow.

360 To Health

I am on my feet. I can breathe. I am over my PMS and all related ailments.

O happy day!

I thought I'd post some more awesome photos.

This is me before Christmas when it last snowed. We got 8" and had to cancel the last day of school before Christmas break. It was a beautiful morning as I was heading out to deliver Christmas packages for Fed Ex and I had to stop and take a selfie at the side of the road.

I know, I look gorgeous and the mountain ain't bad either.

And here is an oldie, but a goodie. Of course I did not know my husband when he looked like this. I never got to run my fingers through his long luscious locks. He cut them about a year before I knew him, so I absolutely love these pictures of him with his ridiculous hair. It's gorgeous and so blond and wavy. I can't get enough of it. Such a stud for 1995.

Funk Busting

Here is that damned commercial. I hate it and love it at the same time.

So here I am 5 minutes later cranking up Roar and a little Rihanna to try and bust this funk.

Should I not write just because it's difficult? What kind of BS is that? Isn't it supposed to be hard? There are no guarantees.

That other question that plagues me constantly: If you could do anything and knew you would succeed what would you do? WRITE!

If I was on my death bed and hadn't yet written a book. I would be disappointed with myself. Books are my life and my love. It's not supposed to be easy. I tell myself this over and over and over again and yet still I make excuses. Will I feel more creative and satisfied with my life if I write? Yes. Even if I never get published?

Still YES!

WTF am I even doing right now? Writing.

Does it make me feel better? Damn skippy it does. That's why I'm doing it on this sucky day.

It doesn't take a Master's Degree in Geometry to work out that proof.

How to Successfully Make a Major Life Change

Oh if only there were a book with this title.

And then inside the book a complete list of choices just for me.

Kind of like a choose your own adventure book, but just for my life. All the paths would be highlighted and the choices would have clear end results.

You know how when you  saw Eat Pray Love, (the movie makes it more evident that the book) and realized what a selfish bitch Elizabeth Gilbert was being when she left her perfectly amazing husband and New York life behind to go out and find herself? I feel like that.

I have everything. Awesome kids, supportive and loving husband, a community and network established, a job I love (most of the time), and a home filled with books, photographs, and movies. What more could a gal ask for?

Well this year we have no big plans that I am excited about (no Europe). I have kind of given up on writing (I don't seem to have the patience to complete anything when it gets difficult). I have a very dead end job that makes very little money. The children are all locked into great schools. Our business is frustrating, but profitable.

It feels like sophomore year of college. You know what's going on and how to make it, and now you just have to slog through 3 more years to graduate and make the next life change: graduation.

But at my age and in this stage of life everything will remain pretty much status quo for the next 10 years when the last of my kids graduates from high school. It seems like a very long stretch of working and homework and dinners and shopping at Target.

How does one add spice into that? Tickets to Katy Perry shows? 2 week summer vacations with the family? A new car? Rearranging the furniture and painting the living room a new color?

I know it's the journey and not the destination in life, but what if that journey has turned into an endless road trip through the cornfields of Illinois. Even looking out the window isn't any fun anymore.

And yes before you ask I do have PMS. It's those few days before when my hormone levels are so low that I question my entire life and where it needs to go next. And then wouldn't you know it iTunes radio turns to Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah and things gets really existential.

That new Apple commercial with Robin Williams monologue from Dead Poets Society is really getting to me and the ad is on constantly. It really doesn't make me want to buy Apple Products, but does make me question what I am doing now to add verse. "The powerful play goes on and YOU may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
I've had this discussion here before about the importance of adding a verse. Does it make me any more or less of a person if I add a verse. We can't all be big important people in life. Somebody has to just deliver the mail. Somebody will just be really good at painting road stripes. I may be here solely to be an awesome mother to my children. What if that is my verse? How am I to know?

Making a change just to change is usually not a good idea. Should we pack up and move to Belize like those people we see on House Hunters? Should we sell our business and relocate? Should we downsize so that we have more family time and money to travel? Should we try to eat healthier? Is it just the pressure of a New Year and the need to do better than last year? Or is it just Jan/Feb and I'm in the doldrums?

I know there aren't any answers to my questions. Only time will tell. Hell, next week I'll probably be fine and excited about something that I don't even know about today. But in the meantime, damn, today is difficult for no reason at all.