Sometimes life gets in the way of internetting.
First off Rupert died last Wednesday. We brought him home and he still wouldn't eat. I took him back to the vet and the doctor said there wasn't much he could do for him short of months of $$$$ hospitalization and even then he wouldn't be the same cat. He had withered away to almost nothing, but I didn't have the heart to be the one that made the euthanization decision. I left it to Carl. He is an amazing man. He even held Rupert while he fell asleep. It's a lot quiter around here without him and I get a little teary when I type his name into our computer as the security password. (I probably shouldn't have broadcast that).
Birthdays Birthdays and Easter. That always seems to get in the way of me sitting down and writing like I really want to. Also it's field trip season here in Flagstaff which is such a time suck.
Maybe I should just list all my crazy update points.
1. Bought my almost 10 yr old a phone. I said I never would, but he is getting hard to keep tabs on.
2. Bought my dear husband a radio for his delivery truck. He is so happy. It's the best birthday present I've gotten him in a while.
3. Still waiting to hear back from Jowanna at B/A. The numbers she quoted me did not include taxes and insurance. I sent her back to set up an escrow account and see if she could include our current taxes due.
4. I'll probably save this for another longer post, but I had a major meltdown on Sunday/Monday. After seeing 2 doctors this week we have come to the conclusion that I suffer from PMDD, which while laughable in pharmaceutical commercials, can actually be a real thing if you already have diagnosed OCD and anxiety disorders. My hormones are fluctuating on 2 week cycles that are jacking up my ability to control my regular crazy with my PMS crazy.
5. I will now be taking an anti anxiety medication to level my moods and also will be cutting back on all refined sugars and flours (simple carbohydrates). Needless to say these two items are found in almost all of my favorite foods. This will be a struggle, but if it means no meds eventually, then I'll cut out my cookies and ice cream and french bread with butter. I'll limit them to only being consumed on Saturdays. I've got to have cookies and donuts and ice cream and pancakes at least once a week.
That's it, but it seems like a lot. I'm going to start this year over again starting May 1. I've been all kinds of crazy this year. I've been letting my anxiety get the best of me and it has been keeping me from doing the things I really want to do with my life. Money is not holding me back. I am holding me back. I can do anything. I have done anything and everything already, I just need to get back to being that person again. I hate taking pills, but if thats what it takes now, then I will. I can only fight my crazy by myself for so long. I'm strong, but I'm not invincible. The stress of not working and the loan mod have taken their toll and I need a life preserver to pull me back onto the boat. I know that's a corny metaphor, but hey it makes sense here.
Carl and I have been saying this a lot this year, 2010 will be a year of change. We are seeing it everyday. We may not lose our house. I'm not going to lose my mind, but things are going to change and for the better this year.
On a lighter note..... I think I might have to start watching Glee. I'm not a big fan of theater production and that type of song and dance, but when I saw this video http://perezhilton.com/2010-04-14-in-case-you-missed-it-211 it made me want to start watching the show. That and I was thinking I would pay someone a lot of money to produce a video of me recreating a Madonna video. That sounds like a great idea to me. Jane Lynch looks fantastic. How did they make her look so good. She sounded amazing too. I want that!
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