Friday, February 26, 2010

My Etsy Page

Please Please Please go look at, and if you like it, buy my rug on ETSY.

Mama needs the cash.

It's gorgeous. It's handmade, and after I make it big someday, you will be the proud owner of the first original MWeaver Rug.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34777496&ref=sr_gallery_21&&ga_search_query=rug&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=price_desc&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

Thursday, February 25, 2010

What happened to the fun?

I know I know. All I'm posting about is my freaking loan modification.

I am not lying when I say it is my whole world right now. My days are spent rearranging numbers and squeezing money out of every little crack and crevice I can find. I'm juggling due dates like flaming knives. There is little to no fun for me right now. This is full on survival mode.

The kids are getting to school. I'm taking a shower everyday and dinner is getting made. That is all that I can manage right now.  The months and months of waiting are dragging us all down. There may be an end in sight if I can believe Luis.

Until then bear with me on the detailed info on my Home Loan Modification. Maybe April will be the month when I can start ranting and raving about writing and my rugs again and the horrible choice I made when deciding to become an architect. Until then feast your eyes on my new dream goal.........

http://fidm.edu/academics/majors/textile-design/a.a.-p.d.-/

My personal Customer Service Rep at Bank of America

My new favorite person is Mr. Luis Arceo of Bank of America. So he called me back yesterday afternoon and dispelled the nasty rumor that some freaking idiot told me on Monday that we are ineligible for the modification program.

Whew! That is a load off.

What he did tell me is that Bof A is still waiting to hear back from the investor to okay the modification that BofA worked out. He won't tell me what that modification is and he can't until the investor approves it. I also had to send in a crap load of new paperwork: more bank statements, a utility bill, a profit and loss for my husbands business as well as another PandL for Rockstar.

I got it all locked and loaded and e-mailed off to Luis this morning and now we sit and wait some more.

I cannot make my March 1 payment. I might be able to pay it by the 15th after which it is officially late, but good old Luis is working on that for me. We might be able to get a pre-modified, modified payment since we have been waiting so long. I won't hear on that till Monday, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

More Confusion from Bank of America

Okay so Monday my world was collapsing.

Then Monday night during dinner I got a phone call.

It was from a fabulous guy named Luis from Bank of America. He told me that my file just landed on his desk. He is in the expediting department. He gave me his direct phone number and his direct e-mail address. I just called him now and, believe it or not, he actually answered the phone. There was no waiting, no hold, no automated system.

Anyway Luis told me he would get to my file today and he would give me the definite, final answer on our status with Bank of America.

This is so weird. No one seems to know what is going on at Bof A. It's like the one guy who posted his story and said that he was told by one of the service reps that he had already refused his modification offer when in fact he hadn't. The first level of reps I am convinced are just making shit up and stalling people so that they will continue to make payments. This has got to be fact. I would love it if Bof A would respond to this accusation.
I was so confused on Monday because I had been told that an escrow account had been set up for us and that only happens if they are in fact going to do a loan mod. I even saw on our last mortgage statement that our next property tax payment was going to be part of that escrow account. So for me to be told we were inelligible was bewildering.

I am still waiting. Luis is supposed to call me this afternoon after he's had a chance to investigate my file.

So we are still in limbo.

I even went so far on Monday as to start looking for a nice rental house and called a real estate agent to start the sale/short sale process and now we are right back to the waiting game.

I'll keep you posted. I know I'm on pins and needles.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Kiss it Goodbye



I haven't fully come to terms with this yet, but it looks like we will have to leave our big beautiful house.

I spent another hour on the phone with B of A today and was told that we were found "ineligible" for the Making Home Affordable Program.

I am utterly flabbergasted.

I couldn't get any more info that that from cust. serv. rep. I was told to sit and wait for the letter. She could not guarantee that the letter would give more specific information, but I would hope that it will. I cannot understand it. Four different people told me we were eligible. This is just dumbfouding. I can't wrap my head around it. In all my guesses in what kind of response we would get from B of A I never imagined that we would get nothing from them.

So now we look for an exit strategy as my dear husband calls it. We will probably try to just plain sell it and walk away with nothing for the $200,000 in payments we've put into over the past 4 years. If that won't work we'll try to short sell it. I have no idea what that entails. If that doesn't work I'm down with walking away, but I'm not sure how that works either.

Oh my God. I thought we would raise our kids in this house. I've got to let this sink in a little bit more.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Dwell Magazine?? Feature my rugs?? Please!!


This was my Sunday morning.

Why does everything always seem so much easier in SoCal? The few hours that we were away from the snow and cold and work at home, everything seemed so easy. There are so many people in LA in makes it seem ridiculous that I could ever wonder if I will be able to sell my rugs. There are people everywhere that still have money to spend. They all seem to be in LA and the OC.

Flagstaff seems like such a drag. Things are closed everywhere. Neighbors are selling their houses left and right. Even selling their big custom homes that they worked for years to save up to build. Even some houses that I designed. People are working for free or not working at all. It's the same as our story. It's just that in Flag we all seem to have the same story. Times are tough.

I need to sell my rugs. I can do it. I just need to meet the right person. I just need the $$$ for brochures. I know I can make money at this. I am a designer. I just have no idea and no money to let people know what it is that I am doing and the beautiful things that I am making.

How does everyone else make that jump from obscurity to people actually buying your stuff? I can't seem to get across that threshold. Is there something that I'm missing? Or am I just in the wrong city? Selling rugs in LA would be easy. I would just contact each and every rug store on Melrose within a 1 mile radius of the Pacific Design Center. I've been in all those stores when I was doing my research. I could sell my stuff there. I just can't get away during the week and get to LA to do that while I have 3 small kids. Am I using them as an excuse? I don't even know anymore.

I, like everyone else who is trying to break into a new industry, need 1 big break. I need one thing that will introduce me to the right person, get me an article in Metropolis or Dwell. This blog is the only thing that really gets my info out there. If there is one thing I'm trying to do now besides my usual complaining here is to educate people about the Loan Mod process, give away free architecture advice, and get people to notice my rugs. I don't know if any of it is working or if anyone is finding me here. But if there is even one of you out there that gets some help here or even considers buying a rug from me, I guess I'm doing my job.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Bank of America Home Loan Modification Process

I'm starting to think that the whole Loan Modification is just another bank racket. I called in again today just to check the status of things. 2 HOURS later I'm severely pissed.

Every single person I talk to tells me something different. I talked to three people this morning in three different departments and all of them were all over the place with reasons and excuses as the why I haven't received "a packet".

It seems almost like complete bullshit. The girl I spoke to last week who told me she was putting me on the "expedited" list....... didn't put me on the list.  Both of the people I talked to today said I was put on the list. One guy had me on hold while he put all kinds of notes in my file. When I called back after gettting disconnected the next person said there were no notes in my file at all.

What the hell is going on at Bank of America? I have been told that B of A is waiting on the Government to make a decision on my adjustment and I have been told by B of  A that the Government has nothing to do with the adjustment. They are just waiting on the investors to make a decision. I even came straight out and asked someone about this because I thought for sure that my files had to cross some government official's desk and was told no, it's all done in house.

Is it just the telephone operators that have no clue? Are they all trained differently? Are they just reading out of a notebook filled with appropriate time stalling phrases to keep home owner's from calling back? I simply cannot figure it out.

To me it just seems like a stalling factor. Here, make payments that you can't afford AT ALL for the next threee months and then we'll string you along for another month or two and then when you get really desperate then we'll expedite it and finally tell you what your new payment is.

Like I said I am not one for government handouts but there are two things that bother me here. I could afford my house when I bought it 4 years ago even though I was screwed on the interest rate. Not because of my horrible 780 credit score, but because I was self employed in the same industry for over 10 years I was considered a credit risk. Instead of getting the standard 5.5% interest that everyone else was getting back in 2006. We got 7.5%. That was bullshit.
The second factor is that we wouldn't be in this mess if the banks hadn't messed up and jacked up the entire lending industry. Because two of our businesses are directly related to construction we got screwed. When the banks stopped lending and people stopped building we got royally screwed. Lucky for us we still own one other business that is not affected by the banking industry. If not for that we would have been out on the street a year ago.

I have long since come to the conclusion that most people who work at banks are clueless. They have no background in banking or business, they are simply cogs in a machine who do what they are told. I guess someone has to have those jobs, but come on, some one needs to step up and take responsibility for all this. If we could just go back to the system where real people who have direct authority can make decisions based not only on numbers and hard facts but also on the personal history of a customer. It's been a long long time since the banking industry worked this way, but it seems like the only way for them to dig themselves out of this mess. 

If only I had a big enough audience and could get enough people pissed about the Loan Modification situation. There are supposedly millions of homeowners trying to get loan mods....... where are they and why aren't they complaining? Are they too embarrassed? I'm not ashamed of my situation. Shit happens. But if more people were more vocal about this process maybe something could be done about it.

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Loan Mod Update #7

Okay...... I called B of A Thursday. This was the big 45 business days deadline. Up until this point they would give me no info on the status of our loan modification. This was supposed to be the magic number of days that suddenly opened up our file and would let me know what was going on.

Well that was a load of bull hockey. I was basically told to wait some more. The chick told me that an escrow account was being opened for us and after that was completed we would get the fabled "envelope" with all the exact info. I've been waiting breathlessly for that envelope since the 8th of December, what's a few more days now... right?

I was also told that since I had met the 45 day period I was entitled to a phone call from someome else high up at Bof A that would let me know more details of my loan mod. I was supposed to receive that phone call within 72 hours. It's Monday. B of A is closed today in observance of whatever bogus holiday it is today.

So to sum up... 45 days came and went and I'm still waiting and there is no mail today and no one to call to ask where my phone call is. Arghhhh.

This is the week things are going to happen. I know I said it last week, but I guess I really meant this week.

There are 2 guys on my roof right now. I'll post pictures once some shingles have been officially nailed. I know you're breathlessly waiting to see them and to hear what my loan mod numbers are going to be. I know. That's why I'm here... to show you all the good stuff.

Oh and did I mention that I did in fact see Mr. Rick Steves this weekend. I know. How exciting is my life? You know you want it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Old Navy vs. Anthropologie

Old Navy

Anthropologie

Now let me start out by saying that I love Old Navy. I honestly could not live without it. The kids are almost fully clothed in it. You really can't beat $12 pants and $6 shirts for kids. The clothes last 1 season, but hey that's okay because they grow like weeks. I have even been known to shop the super sales and get stuff for $2-3. You cannot beat that when you are trying to clothe 3 little children.

My big gripe here is that for me Old navy is my arch enemy. I want to shop there. I do shop there. But everytime I am looking for something in particular they seem to only have sizes XXS or XXL. Their clothes are ill fitting on 34DDD boobs and their pants do not take into account my mother of 3 belly. Their dresses end up looking like either potato sacks or maternity dresses on me. Mostly what I buy there are T-shirts, fleece and sweatpants. This has been my uniform this winter. $7 T-shirts, $12 fleeces. and $12 sweatpants. I used to get dressed up. I used to wear more than just a rainbow assortment of the same T-shirt and fleece.

What I haven't decided is, is it because of financial issues (I have no money to spend on anything other than $7 T-shirts) or is it just that I'm in the house every day and I don't need to wear gorgeous dresses like the one above from Anthropologie. Is it a weather issue? I got all dressed up this morning for parent teacher conferences this afternoon only to have to change due to heavy snow flurries that did not work with my fancy Anthropologie swing coat and embroidered silk sweater. I have the fancy clothes, just nothing newer than 2 years. I'm tired of my old clothes, but love them. I want to go into Anthropologie and walk out with $2000 in new stuff like I used to. Those were the days and I miss them dearly. Now it's exciting for me to buy new undies and get that new $7 Old Navy T-shirt. O how times have changed.

Every year when I get the new spring catalog from Anthropologie I think this will be the year that I go back and drop a small fortune on blouses and dresses. Every year I miss out and am depressed for a bit until I realize that every year they will make new clothes and every year there will be a new opportunity to walk out of their big wooden doors with bags and bags of silk, ruffles and embroidery. Just not this spring.




Tomorrow is the BIG day. The 45 business days limit on B of A. I will post an update if there is anything newsworthy.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Monday is on FIRE!!!!!

Good News!!! There are (or were) guys on my roof this morning. Yea!!!!!!!!!!

My garage door is fixed. I push the button and it opens like magic!

This is going to be a good week. I can feel it in my nuggets.

I thought of a new book idea.

I've decided to stop reading self-help books and to stop self diagnosing myself.

I've decided to do the things that are scaring me. It's so much easier to burn through the fear than to spend tons of $$$$ and time in a therapists office.

I'm going to call that rug guy in Sedona right now.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Severe Anxiety Disorder and Me

If you go back and read my posts from 2007......Way Back there.... like I did today you might be like....what ever happened to THAT girl?

I was so positive, working on things, actually doing work on a book that would be freaking awesome, looking for new opportunities, and generally a completely different person.

Also it seemed like I was complaining about the same things I'm complaining about now. I hadn't discovered my rug business yet, but was so over architecture even back then.

Go now and read it. I'll wait for you.


See what I mean. Where is that girl? Where is that book proposal? She's still in me somewhere and I still have the book proposal right here on this computer hard drive. All 30 pages of it.

The problem you might ask......... I think I have officially diagnosed myself with a severe anxiety disorder. It's a combo of agorophopia, social anxiety and general anxiety. All of those added together equal a severe anxiety disorder.

I know I have issues. I've had them my whole life. I was even officially diagnosed when I was 19 and on medication and the whole thing. At that time they called it more depression with anxiety, but I would call it depression brought on by anxiety. Now it seems like it's just debilitating anxiety.

I found a book recently at the library and even though it sounds so cheesy to say so... I think I have finally found what is keeping me from getting ahead. I have been getting progressively worse and worse these last few years to the point where I seldom leave my house, stay away from any and all social situations and definitely any new situations. I have a hard time even talking on the phone without having a small panic attack. I had that huge panic attack in November just thinking about trying to get on a plane to Hawaii. It's a complete control thing. If I'm not in control of the situation then I don't want to be a part of it. The only place where I have complete control is here at home and with my home being threatened in more ways than one my only safe haven is almost being taken away from me and that is extremely scary.

I didn't realize that I had gotten so bad until I read this book that pointed it all out to me. I mean I know we are super stressed right now with all the financial issues, the roof, and the loan mod, but I am at the point when I am worrying myself to sleep at night and can't do anything to quiet my mind.

I have made my world so small and I did it all to myself on purpose. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I mean I could definitely go for a bottle of Xanax or Valium just to get me thru the waiting of the loan mod, but I can't afford it or the doctor appointment to get it prescribed.

The book gives good tips for managing the anxiety. To start with I am supposed to realize that anyone would feel stress and anxiety in this situation. The only difference between me and a 'normal' person is how I let that anxiety affect me. Next I need to learn the techniques to quiet my mind. I know those techniques. I learned them when I was 19, but they just don't seem to work anymore.

My only solution is to wait for the loan mod and then use the extra $$$ to get the help that I know that I need so that I can move past this and get back to that awesome girl that I was back in 2007. I can do it. I just have to wait a few more months and then watch out. The bitch is back.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Loan Modification Update # 6

I called B of A today, not because I knew I was going to get any info, but just because it makes me feel like I am doing something to keep the ball rolling.

I got the same response as last time, but was told that after next Thursday, when our initial 45 business days waiting period is up, we will be put on the expedited list and then we should have a response within 5 business days.

Now I would interpret that as: in two weeks I will know what our new payment and terms will be.

That is a definite date to me. I can sorta live with that. And by some weird fluke we just might get that big envelope before next week. Yeah right.

So unless I post otherwise that we did in fact get that big envelope I will not be able to update again until next Thursday after I call to get on the expedited list.

Bear with me. This should get interesting after next week. I know I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation and you should be too.

Apology

Okay so I was too pissy.

Facebook is for everyone, not just those of us that post regular status updates. I'm sorry if I offended.

In my defense I just want to know what other people are doing. I'm interested in you. That is a compliment.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Los Angeles Times Travel & Adventure Show

Los Angeles Times Travel & Adventure Show


This is my dream for next week.

I don't talk about it too much here, but travel shows are like porn to me, so then it follows that Rick Steves would be my Ron Jeremy.

I watch the show religiously, rent the DVD's at the library and have started to collect the Rick Steves travel books, and even frequently put in the promotional Rick Steves European Tour Experience DVD.

Rick will be at the LA Travel and Adventure show at the LA convention center next weekend and my heart is beating out of my chest just thinking about it.

If we have extra money next weekend this is going to be how Carl and I spend Valentine's Day weekend. I can't think of a better way to spend it.

I can just imagine walking the halls of the convention center picking up brochures for Globus, Cunard, Trafalgar, and entering every single free vacation giveaway that I stumble upon. But the highlight will of course be the chance to see Rick Steves live and in person with his brown bowl haircut and early 1990's glasses, the khaki pants and sensible shoes.

He'll of course come up to me and say, "Emily I read your blog all the time, would you please come on staff and add a sassy, girlie perspective to European travel?" and I'll say, " Rick, you had me at hello."

New Month, New Attitude

So January was craptastic..... the snow storm, the waiting on the banks, the stress from those two things,etc.

I've decided February is going to be good:

1. Bank of America has to get back to us on our loan mod. They have to and that will only bring good news.

2. The roof will get fixed this month. My contractor is supposed to be here tomorrow which means if he starts tomorrow he should finish by the end of the month. I will get my garage door fixed!!!! The past 2 months we have been getting out in the rain and snow to manually pull the door up and down. What a bitch that has been.

3.The kids should have school all month. No snow days and no crazy holidays means time for me at the gym and here in front of my computer writing.

4. I read an awesome book this past weekend......The Purpose of Your Life by Carol Adrienne. It really hit a nerve and reminded me that... Anthing is Possible. Sometimes I forget that and life gets really crappy. That book reminded me. I don't know what is in front of me and I don't have to. I know what I want and it will come to me in some form or another because anything is possible.


So on that note February has no choice but to be awesome and if it isn't then March will kick it's ass.