I know it's a cheap tactic, but it got your attention right?

I think I'm getting pretty serious about this whole going back to school thing. It seems entirely possible, affordable (thank to our loan mod), and exciting. I went so far today as to search Monster for what kinds of jobs are open to librarians. There are some really cool jobs out there. I was impressed. They all sounded like fun, except for the law and medical library jobs. There were even a few for architecture and interior design firms. Jackpot!

So on that note things seem to be looking up.

I would even go so far as to say that it has given me something to look forward to. I think a big part of my spring breakdown was me just being anxious over what to do with the rest of my life. It's a huge thing to go through school, 7 years of internship, 9 grueling exams, to be an architect and then just plain change my mind. It was altering. Being an architect is more than just a job. It really does define who you are and when I can't answer what I do for a living with something as impressive as, "I'm an architect", I think I lost a little bit of my identity. It sucks to not have a real job. I mean I enjoy working for our family businesses and I get paid a little for it, but it's not like it's my calling in life. I don't really get too excited about quarterly tax filings and payroll. It's fun, but it's not what I want to do forever.

I want to DO something myself. Sure I write and I have my rugs and my kids to keep me occupied, but I need more. Being a librarian seems like just the right thing to do. I would be surrounded by books or maps or drawings all day, putting them in to order. There is nothing boldly creative about it, but I can honestly say that I never get tired of books. I've gotten tired of writing, tired of my rugs, tired of drawing and most definitely tired of city building departments and contractors, but never tired of books.

More Loan Mod Tirade

So I'm still trying to find out the terms of our loan mod that comes with a $1630 payment. No word back yet from my negotiator who lost my docs back in April.

I've been calling all over this morning trying to find out what's going on so that I can make the July 1 payment.

I sent off one last frantic e-mail to the negotiator while I was on hold with some asinine department deep in the bowels of Bank of America, asking him to please get back in touch with me regarding my documents.

This is the response that I got back,

"I had to redo the docs and there were some things missing so your payment won’t be due till 9/01/2010."

WTF to the millionth degree.

So now I'm freaking out because in the computer system at B of A is says I have a July payment due. I'm sure my negotiator will eventually update the computer system, but in the meantime what are the drones at B of A going to do after I've not paid for the last 4 months.

I'm also freaking out because the last time we had to go back and redo the docs my new modified payments went from $2700 to $1630 and I sure as hell don't want that fabulous $1600 payment to get away.

I put all of this back into a response to my negotiator's response of not having a payment until Sept, but we shall see if he responds.

Loan Mod and Career Update

So yesterday I finally got a call from our new negotiator.
He claimed he sent me docs back at  the end of April.
I was like WTF.... havent' you been getting my weekly e-mails asking what's going on, what's my new payment and when's it due?
He apologized profusely and said he would call be back once he found out what happened to my docs and could get new copies mailed to me.
He was about to hand up and I was like," Whoa, Whoa, hold on there a minute. While I've got you on the phone I need more info!"
He claimed that our new payment is indeed $1630.00!!!!!!!!!!! and due July 1.
I still don't know the math behind that and I won't until he sends me the freakin docs.
So I guess that's good news and I'm still waiting for a callback.

In other news.......

New possible career track: Library and Information Science.

I've been researching it at the library for the past couple of weeks and then this week I looked up some masters degree programs that can be taken online or with just a week or two of residency. It looks really cool and like something I would like. I would love to work at the public library or at a school library, but even more fun would be to work at an architecture library or for a large architecture firm taking care of all of their drawing and material libraries. That just gets me all a tingle. Of course those fancy architectural librarian jobs would not be located in Flagstaff. We would have to relocate, but in the meantime while the kids are in school I would love to work at NAU.

What's that going to cost?
I could go to my Alma mater, the University of Illinois, for full online degree and it would cost around $36K.
Or I could go to the University of Arizona in Tuscon for around $10K.

Hmmmm that's a tough one. I'll have to keep investigating.

Flagstaff Fires

I know I'm slacking off this week. We are finally getting into the groove of swimming lessons and dance lessons and summer movies and it's sucking up most of my internet time. That and I really am trying to finish my rug in the next few weeks.

Also we've got these raging fires going on. This was the view Sunday afternoon from our back deck, the day the big fire started. It doesn't look quite so menacing today, but it is still burning. It has reached the inner basin of the mountain. That means that: our mountain used to be a volcano, then a huge part blew off, and there is a big hole in the middle called the inner basin, that is where the fire is now.

There are helicopters all over the place watching the fire, but it seems like they are just letting most of it burn. The area where it is now is very difficult to reach with vehicles, so they are fighting the fires on the front where it could threaten homes and letting it burn in the wilderness. Luckily the wind has died down and it is blowing all that smoke away from our house and sending it east towards the Painted Desert.

The kids were a little freaked out on Sunday and Monday. We tried to reassure them that there is nothing that we wouldn't be able to replace if our house burned down, we would have plenty of time to evacuate, our house is made of solid rock and cement, and fires are much easier to prepare for than hurricanes, tornadoes, or earthquakes.

Loan Modification Update

I know it's been a while.....

This isn't so much of an update as it is a tirade.

I'm not going to write a lot, but just say that I am currently on hold and waiting for someone anyone to tell me what is going on with my B of A loan mod. I'm getting so many different stories about what is taking so long, what payment is due when that it is driving me crazy.

Now I've been told that there is a hold up because I have not sent in my most recent paystubs and bank statements. Well who was going to tell me that I was supposed to send those in? A B of A fairy? I freaking call in every week and now I'm told there has been a hold since May?

Charles Kerry...... have some respect for those you are negotiating for. Call and contact and reassure and tell us what the fuck is going on.

Photos of Mom

I often find that pictures of me are few and far between. I would love to have a few glossy photos of myself when I am looking my best, but as a mother that never seems to happen.

I am always the one taking the pictures or if and when my dear husband is taking them he seems to focus on the children or try and take weird artsy photos of me from WAY too close up. (See my photo on this page). Either that or he seems to get an odd angle of my ass or my boobs that make them look disproportionally large compared to the rest of my body (FYI my tits are in fact huge but my ass is not)

Everytime we have tried to have a "professional" photograph taken it looks horrible, although I'm not sure Sears or JCPenney counts as "professional".

I wonder how much it would cost to have a real photographer follow me around for a day or a week and take photos of me at my best. I need someone with a good eye and a knowledge of how to capture those awsome shots that catch the essence of who you are. I want someone to take pictures of me reading and baking and writing or laughing at something one of the kids has said or done. I just want a whole day of honest black and white photos of me as a mom. Sounds simple enough...... just a document of an ordinary summer day as a mom. The good the bad and the ugly.

The Excitement of June 15th

1. Payroll tax deposit are due.

2. I will bake something today... probably some banana chocolate chip muffins or some blond brownies.

3. Dance class starts this afternoon for my 4 year old.

4. I need to call State Farm to use our $500 deductible to get our $1200 Land Rover windshield replaced.

5. I have yet to write my 1000 words for the day.

6. I have a large shipment coming from Amazon today including many beautiful picture books of New Orleans and the new Live at the Fillmore Chris Isaak CD.

7. If I have time after all of the above I will return to my studio and do another ring on my rug. Yes I spent several hours in there yesterday which is why I did not post to this my awesome blog.

I have noticed recently that both my blog posts and my Facebook status updates have suffered due to my intake of mind controlling drugs. My crazy seems to have slipped away and sometimes I miss it. I was flying high before on my uncontrollable mind and now I am regrettably significantly less crazy. While on one hand I am grateful, on the other hand I miss my violent mood swings and the strange places my mind used to wander. On this side of the fence life is slightly less interesting, but much more endurable.

My Birthday

Today is my, big sigh, 35th birthday.

I am now officially in my mid-thirties, not my early-thirties and I don't like it one bit. I don't mind the age so much, but I don't particularly like the number. I would much rather by 36. It sounds so much cooler than 35.

I am contemplating what to do today. I really don't want to spend the day refereeing the children around the house, reading, doing laundry and applying band-aids. We need to get out and do something, but the most exciting thing I can think of involves shopping at Target, still not something I think is quite right for spending my 35th birthday.

Tonight we will go out to my favorite restaurant, have one of those delicious pizza-cookies with vanilla bean ice cream on top and my dear husband will present me with some carefully selected presents he chose from my Amazon shopping cart. That is a perfect way to spend the night, but what about the day?

Bowling, the movies, the park, a hike, the creek, Barnes and Noble? It's hard to step out of the box of habits and see what else this town has to offer. Maybe we will cruise on down to Sedona, throw some rocks in the creek, hit up a rock shop and call it a day. Maybe I'm making too big a deal of it and we should just stay home and go with the flow.

Birthdays can be so stressful just trying to decide what you really want to do with a day that is supposedly "yours".

New Orleans is calling my Name

I have had this wicked obsession lately with New Orleans, Anne Rice, and specifically the Garden District.
I have never been to New Orleans, but it has been calling my name for a very long time. It's one of those southern cities that I dream about like Charleston and Savannah, places where there are so many beautiful houses I'm afraid I might pass out from the overwhelming beauty.

I called both Bank of America and Citi Mortgage this morning and there is still no news. If they still can't get their crap together and we still don't have to make mortgage payments for July 1, I think I'm going to have to buy a plane ticket to New Orleans and give in to my overwhelming desire to walk through the streets of the Garden District.

I almost feel as if I am in a city I don't belong in here in Flagstaff since we have nothing that could be called decent historical housing. We have one house, the Riordan Mansion, that while interesting for the area, is nothing like the houses I grew up in in Illinois. I have such a need to walk in and see and feel old houses, that I am purposely depriving myself of one of my one true loves by living in a city that prides itself on it's western heritage and abundance of log cabins and railroad depots.

I can pore over my Dover Victorian house plan books, and check out every architectural picture book at the library, but it's not the same as walking into a huge historical home with light fixtures, door hardware, and woodwork that smells of history and well-crafted housing. Oh it's giving me the shivers just thinking about it....metal push button light switches, butler pantries, back staircases, leaded glass windows, banisters and railing that seem to go on for miles, libraries, the front hall, hexagon tile floors, and built in dressers, creaking wooden floors, worn carpets, deep verandas and sun rooms and sleeping porches.

Oh I need to see an old house before I melt into a puddle on the floor.

Summertime

It's hot! Finally!

We ran into town this morning and it was 94 degrees.

We came back home and at our house (800 feet higher than town) it was only 83.

Get this: the roofers are supposed to finish today. It's only been exactly 6 months to the day since the roof ripped off back in December. They are not the quickest roofers (all 2 of them) and the weather has not always cooperated with them, but still, damn, that is a long time for a new roof.

I've been able to wear a skirt for the past 5 days in a row and have not once needed my fleece to warm me up in the morning.

I know this post is boring and pointless, but it is warming up my typing fingers for writing later. You are my warm up audience so deal with it.

Life is pretty boring in general right now. Nothing is going on. We are still waiting for paperwork from both banks for the loan mods. It's summer and the kids are home. There is nothing much for me to do but to read and write and try and keep the kids somewhat occupied so that they don't kill each other or eat too much sugar. It's a boring life, but it's very easy and predictable. Knock on wood.

Vertigo

No, not that kind of vertigo.

I had a really nasty bout of the real thing yesterday afternoon. My eyeballs were rolling and everything. I made the mistake of trying to lie down to stop it....... don't do it. Things roll even harder when you put your head down, or sideways, or anyway but straight up and down.

I'm hoping that this is just another nasty side effeact of my Citalopram... either that or I have a nasty ear infection or a brain tumor.

It sucked big time. If you've never experienced it, think about how you feel after you get off a violent roller coaster that does a lot of spinning. Usually you're fine after a few minutes, but vertigo goes from anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. Mine was the few hours variety yesterday complete with rolling eyeballs, nausea, cold sweats and heavy breathing. I haven't been that sick in a long time.

Luckily I passed out upright on the couch for about 45 minutes and woke up perfectly normal.

I was hoping to be able to cancel my med check dr. appointment this week, but after that episode yesterday I'll have to go and report my sick brain.

Damn this is difficult.

Fuck Yeah!

It has recently come to my attention that my children are avid cursers. Last night at a neighborhood bonfire I was discussing with the other mothers and I was astonished to learn that my kids are the only ones who repeatedly use the words: shit, dammit, and on rare occasions, the f-word.

Now I'll be the first to admit I swear a lot, and obviously they have picked it up from me, but I blame their father entirely. After spending his entire childhood growing up in ghettos all over LA he picked up quite a colorful vocabulary.

Me, being the demure mid-western girl that I was, had never had a potty mouth till I started hanging out with him and his other potty mouthed friends.

I honestly don't care if my children curse. It doesn't bother me one bit. They keep it inside the house and know not to speak like that around other adults. As long as they know it is not appropriate language I think they understand how and when to use the words.

A great example of this was yesterday when a friend of my 10 year old stopped over unexpectedly and before inviting his friend up to his room my son said, "Wait just a minute I have to change the song I'm listening to." He was listening to RockStar by NERD which uses the f-word prolifically. He knows and he understands. I think that means that despite my lackadaisical parenting when it comes to swearing, he is still a good kid despite his colorful vocabulary.

After the Holiday

We just spent another jam packed weekend in the OC. The beach, Hero's, Irvine Lake Park, a baby shower, the Peterson Auto Museum, and the Grove all in a day and a half. I'm exhausted and still catching up on sleep as are the children.

Today I'm a little frustrated. I know I really only write this blog for myself, but some days it's a little frustrating to see that I have only 3 regular readers, and I usually only have about 5-10 new site hits a week. I know it's better than it was a few years ago, but still sometimes it's a little disheartening. I think I'm interesting and I think more people would think so as well if only I knew how to get them here. I suck at advertising and I'm not much of a people person to just go out and shamelessly self-promote. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but sometimes I wish I had an audience.

Today is the day I start writing for reals. I'm going for 3000 words everyday except the weekends. If that works out to too much I'll drop it to 2500, but I'm going to shoot for the stars to begin with. If I can keep up with that I should have 120,000 words by the time school starts and then I can try and edit it into something publishable. Today I also start brushing up on my magazine/freelance skills. The goal is to submit something every 3 weeks.

If I'm not going to be an architect I've got to start doing something productive before I start to lose all my abilities to converse with other adults.