Do I Have to Make Dinner?

I am so totally over making dinner for my family.
Sure I'll do it once a week... spaghetti on Sunday nights, well actually Sunday afternoon. I like to be all settled onto the couch by 5:00 when Rick Steves comes on PBS, so we actually eat around 4:00.
Other than that I am not at all interested in cooking. It is soooo time consuming. First you have to have all the ingredients, pre-heat stuff, cook it, serve it, eat it, and then you have to clean it all up and put it all away. I'm just not into it.
If there was a pill that I could give all my children and myself that was fully nutritional and I only had to unscrew a cap and put the pill into their little hands I would save so much time and energy.

It just makes me anxious when I think of all the vitamins and food groups I should be serving. I start to panic and them I'm overwhelmed and I can't make dinner and wind up serving corn dogs and peeled carrots.
So we eat frozen pizzas, lots of pasta, frozen corn, carrots, bagels, and Sam's Club rotisserie chicken.

Exactly how much does a personal chef cost?

New Look

Pretty fancy huh?
I'm impressed with myself too. I tweaked, adjusted, resized, and re-fonted everything.
Hopefully I can leave it with this icky orange color. I hate orange, but it seems to work here.
I'm really getting back into this and only 5 more weeks of school, and then I can spend even more time here emptying out my brain.

A Bit of Architecture

Here are two interesting architecture items that I've come across this evening.

From Flavorwire, the Empty NYC Subway System

It looks so calm and quiet without a flash-mob mucking it up. While the reasons for the abandoned transit hubs is not so cool, it is amazing to see the buildings empty of people. When I used to design and build it was always cool to see the completed spaces before they filled with people. It is a rare sight for some spaces.


And another, not so cool piece of architecture from the Literary Tourist. Nigel Beale talks about his experience visiting the building. While he doesn't judge, it made me cranky that an architect would do this and that a client would allow him.

The Chicago Poetry Foundation


While the building looks like any other modern glass box, it is also a statement from the architect and a metaphor for a poem. It is frustrating just like a poem.
What the f*&%?
If people can't find their way in, than your architecture has failed.
This is the kind of stuff that gives architects and architecture a bad name.
And why would the Poetry Foundation want to perpetuate the idea that poetry is frustrating and difficult?

Chastising Bad Parents. Would you do it?

Okay, so my children and I were eating dinner out tonight. We go to the same place every week the four of us and we feel like this restaurant is our 2nd home. We love it there. We laugh, we talk, we plan the week, we share our food. It is the definition of a family dinner.

Tonight I saw sitting across from us a very strange sight. There was a mom, a guy who may or may not have been the dad and a 10 year old boy. The mom had a laptop with her and she was playing World of Warcraft. The dad was watching cartoons on his own separate laptop with headphones. The boy was sitting there by himself staring off into space while his parents, sitting right next to him, were oblivious to him. The parents were shoveling food into their large mouths and were so focused on their separate forms of entertainment that the poor child was staring at us longingly.

I was really torn. I so desperately wanted to say something to these people. They were both big, nerdy, pasty people who obviously live connected to their computers. I've seen parents on their phones in a restaurant, but to bring in 2 laptops while you eat... with your child. I was appalled.

After wondering what to do, I decided to go for it. I didn't want to be rude, but I wanted to make my point so I went up to the kid and asked him, "Where's your laptop?" He smiled and his mom looked up and did a little laugh. Then I looked at her at said, "He might enjoy a little conversation if you've got the time." I smiled and walked away. The dad looked up and said, "Mind your own goddam business!"

Yes I deserved that. I would be pissed if anyone told me how to parent my child, too but when it comes to children I don't think we should all mind our own business.  By ignoring their child they were sending him the message that their games and cartoons were more important than he was. Imagine being that kid and looking around the restaurant and seeing all the other people and families laughing and talking and having to sit by those two lumps. How would it make you feel?

Now I'll be the first to tell you that I am the best parent in the world. I am fairly self-righteous when it comes to parenting. I know I'm doing it right as evidenced by my three beautiful, intelligent, well-adjusted children. We all parent differently though and I know different techniques will still yield fabulous children, but this to me was blatant bad parenting. If they do that in public how do they treat the poor boy at home? I felt it my duty to say something. Maybe, just maybe, that mother will think twice about what I said and start talking to her child instead of ignoring him so much that I feel like inviting her child to come sit at MY table during dinner.

Feeling Satisfied

 

So I took a couple of days off to deal with this sinus infection. I have so wanted to get back home and have time to do laundry and keep everyone’s rooms nice and neat and be able to make dinner every night that I had pretty much decided that I would quit my job and stay home after the first of the year. I thought that was what I wanted.

I don’t want to stay home every day, but I want my house to look clean and my kids to be well tended, but does that really mean I have to stay home? I want something to do and someone to do it with and that means leaving the house every day. I guess what I want is a purpose. I want a reason to be here. I am needed at the library and I am needed at home and I can do both, but does that make me happy? Shouldn’t I be doing more with my life? Who is telling me that besides me? Shouldn’t I be happy with what I’ve got? I hate to say it, but my formal education makes me feel guilty for not using it. I feel guilty because I’m not an architect. I feel guilty because I work for $10/hour in a job that technically anyone could do. I do it well, but there are much stupider people than me that could do it and do it well. They would probably be more satisfied with it. Where am I supposed to be and what am I supposed to be doing. I feel miserable some days at work when I am mindlessly covering books with contact paper. I feel miserable at home (not just because I’m sick) when I find myself surfing the internet and watching romantic movies (Broken English starring Parker Posey). That isn’t how I want to spend my days either. What is in between? Anything? Does every woman have this problem? Is it just my head? Should I be doing more to make myself more fulfilled? Do I just need to do less and read more and not feel guilty about it? Aren’t I successful if I am a great mother and a great wife? I am those things in spades so why do I want more and what do I want?

I think we all struggle with this in our lives. I do all the time and I don’t think it’s all related to my anxiety. I think it’s somewhat normal, but that doesn’t make it any easier. If I wasn’t sick I would probably be doing more at home. When you’re sick you’re supposed to sit around and watch TV and feel sad and wish that you felt better. If I was well I would be out in the garage working on my rugs or writing something more productive than this. If I was well I would be volunteering somewhere and going to the gym. I wouldn’t have a headache.

So what do I do? Do I keep working? Do I try and write more and make a living at that? Books are so important to me and I love them more than anything else I’ve ever tried. I try and impart that feeling into the kids that come into the library every day. I know that passion comes through and that is what makes me great at my job. I should take that satisfaction and use it to fuel myself towards something else. In any other library setting I wouldn’t know my patrons like I know my kids. I wouldn’t be free to order all the books and organize everything just my way. I should appreciate that and realize that I am making a difference in these kid’s lives. I make them want to read and that is a huge accomplishment regardless of how much I get paid.

Yes I want to do more, but maybe I just can’t right now. I’ve still got to graduate. I can’t let that degree make me feel guilty for doing a job that I truly love. I’m just frustrated and don’t have any big thing to look forward to. There’s Paris in May, but it still seems so far away and still just a dream until our tickets are in hand. I just need something little… a weekend away, a hike in Sedona, a dinner and movie. Or maybe just some time with me when I’m not sick.

Who knows, but it feels good to get that all out. That’s what happens when I listen to Bon Iver.

Home Sick

That nasty little head cold from last-last weekend has turned into a sinus infection, my mortal enemy.
I've Mucinexed the heck out of the thing and still the pain is intense and the pressure on the left side of my head makes it impossible for me to think and read. I know! How awful is that?
I want all that green-yellow snot out of my head.
I'm trying to catch up on things, but the pain is making it difficult.
The laundry is done. The beds are all made. I've checked up on school discussion boards, but I've got 2 assignments due Wed I should get crack-alacking on ASAP.
I so can't wait to be done with school. 7 more weeks!!! and I will graduate.

I'm getting distracted by photos and rumors about Justin Timberlake's wedding over the weekend. I was never a big NSync fan. I know none of their songs, but I loved JT as a solo artist, a movie star, and most importantly as an SNL Host. He won my heart by giving me his d*ick in a box years ago. That's what makes him awsome, not only is he hot, but he is ridiculously funny and he can dance. That is the real triple threat. So I'm a little bummed that he's married to Jessica Beal. She seems so boring. I don't know the girl obviously but she must be amazing if JT married her.
I'll just squeeze in a little homework while I gaze at JT with his new wedding ring on.

Awesome People Hanging out Together

This is an awesome link to Tumblr of

Awesome People Hanging Out Together.

Some of my favorites are:

Frank Gehry and Brad Pitt

Architect Man Candy

Anthony Kiedis, David Bowie and Johnny Depp

Rock-n-Roll Man Candy

Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox

Rock-n-Roll Divas

Marlene Dietrich and Amelia Earhart

Ohh the crazy juxtaposition.

Worth the Try

It's another Friday night and here I sit blogging and watching Say Yes to the Dress. Does it get any sadder than this? Probably.
Carl is still not home yet. The kids are playing video games. I'll finish here and then curl up with a book.

Recently I've been thinking about life and kids and routines and the roles that we intuitively take on after getting married an having kids.

To us it is important to provide that stable home life that we both lacked as kids. We know all of our neighbors and all the teachers at our schools. We can let our kids go home with friends and not have to worry about them. In the event of any catastrophe I know my children will be well taken care of by our community we have built. It has taken 9 long years, but that community is there and it is strong.

The thing that makes me question this traditional family structure is our reliance on a large house, several cars, and the commitment to our jobs that ties us down and then keeps us working and away from our children so that we may provide this stable safe environment.

I guess it's the "Is this all there is" syndrome that we all get in middle age. We really don't want to do this our whole lives. We want to do more that live for the weekend and then spend that time shopping for things that the kids need. With a mortgage, credit cards, public school schedules, huge cell phone bills, car insurance, how is one ever able to sever the ties from a "normal" American life?

We are going to try and attempt some changes and I will try and document them here. Who knows if we will be successful, but it sure as hell will be worth the try.

Creepy Photos

Does anybody else have a little girl who does this?
Steals your phone and then takes strange photos of her dolls around the house?

Sketti

Do you watch Honey Boo Boo?
I wouldn't say I watch it, but I have seen the show. It is funny. The execs at TLC have struck reality gold with this family. It's fun to watch because their lives are so different than mine.
No one could write a show this funny and sad: a 16 year old girl gives birth to a baby with 2 thumbs and the family is immediately able to accept her and make cute jokes. I'm totally on-board.

Until I saw the sketti episode.

It made me sick to my stomach.
I love ketchup, maybe even more that a normal adult should.
I love butter. I mean who doesn't.
I love spaghetti. It's a staple in our house. I lived off it when I was in college.

But to put those three things together into one bowl makes me cringe. Really?
I mean how expensive is a jar of Prego?
Who was the first person who thought: lets just put ketchup on our noodles? and then thought: this needs a little something extra... how about a big-ol-slab-o-butter? And then let's microwave it into a squishy orange mess?
Really? I mean really?

Of course I'll keep watching though. I can't get enough and who knows what other fabulously disgusting recipes Mama June will have for us all next week.

Kristin Wiig's Poop and Me

I totally just Googled Kristin Wiig poop.
This is the type of gal I would be if I were a public figure.
While accepting an award this week Kristin Wiig started off her speech with:

"I do want to say something from the heart, something actually kind of serious and truthful, I have not pooped in four days — four days! I've been travelling. I'm nervous. I'm getting concerned. I'm wearing a tight dress."

It made me laugh. We've all been there and she said it out loud. Too awesome.

I once went to a wedding buffet in Vegas wearing a too tight dress, ate too much, and watched as my dress got shorter and shorter as my belly got bigger and bigger. Wow that makes me look bad and I guess that's a little different from Kristin's situation, but I was traveling and wearing a tight dress.

I often wish people would talk more about poop. There is a weird line that goes between good manners and discussing things that happen to us every single day. We talk about poop all the time in our house, but sometimes it's hard to shut that off when we go out. We all fart. We all have issues with our stomachs. My teeny, tiny, 36 pound, 6 year old clogs the toilet every time she shits. It's a running joke in our family. But sometimes when I try to share that information with other people I get strange looks. Even from other mothers. I love stories like that. It makes us all seem more human. 

Share your shit stories with me.

Here's my worst one. I think I may have shared this one here before, but here it is again.

In 2002 shortly after Easter my husband and I went to a Black Rebel Motorcycle Club show at the Mayan Theater in LA. It was loud, it was awesome, and we had food poisoning. 
In retrospect I think it was some leftover ham that did us in.
It hit me first. The music was so loud it was shaking me to my core. My inner core. My intestinal core. I was nauseous. The room was swaying. I felt like total crap as my insides liquified. I notified Carl of my predicament and we headed towards the door. On the way I had to take another run to the bathroom and there were only onesies at the front of the theater. There was of course a line for the ladies room and I asked the girl in front if I could go in front of her because I was sick. I was grey,sweating and doing that dance which indicates that I don't know exactly which end this toxic load is going to come out of. She looked and me and with hate in her eyes proclaimed, "No, because I don't want to go in after you!" If I could have willed myself to explode on her I would have and I still hope she has suffered the consequences of her bad karma. I then proceeded to the available men's room and unloaded from both ends at the same time wrecking the entire room and most of my clothing which had to be disposed of in that poor, poor, bathroom.

In another Kristin Wiig reference, it was just like that scene in Bridesmaids.

We made it to the car with my jacket around my waist (thank fully the theater was very dark) as I continued to heave. 
That was the longest drive from LA to Fullerton anyone has ever endured. Not only did I continue to barf, but the sickness then hit Carl. He didn't miss a beat while driving down the 5 Freeway and barfing into a scavenged Ralph's bag. (Get it? Ralph's: it's a store in Ca, and a handy name for a bag to puke in). The cloud of funk that must have emanated from that car when we got out could have infected the entire city. That night Carl and I took turns hugging the toilet and we have never eaten leftover Easter ham since.

See. Don't I seem more human now? 

Urbex

What is Urbex?

It is short for urban exploration and it is amazing.
I've been subscribed to a new Facebook page called Spooky Places that posts pictures of all kinds of abandoned buildings and other creepy things. Today there was a photo of a place called Chateau Miranda aka Chateau Noisy in Belgium and it took my breath away. I've been researching the place ever since I saw it this morning. In my interweb ramblings I came across a number of really cool websites that feature urbex and the people who break in and trespass into abandoned structures and take beautiful pictures.

These images break my heart and make me want to go out and win millions of dollars in the lottery and try and save this poor abandoned building.
This YouTube video of the exterior of the chateau is the equivalent of a Sarah Mclachlan Humane Society animal cruelty commercial to me.  The Beethoven makes me want to cry.

We've done our own version of this here in our own backyard that I'll call DesEx, or desert exploration. There are all kinds of abandoned Route 66 oddities near us that we try and go out and explore every so often. We've seen the Twin Arrows with the abandoned zoo, an abandoned bridge, and numerous abandoned roadside motels. I'll have to find the photos and post up my own Urbex art.

Citi Bank Mortgage Charged Off

I remembered a few weeks ago that I never posted a final summation of our whole mortgage situation.
Our first giant mortgage was refinanced and our 7.5% interest rate was changed to 2% and is adjusting up to a set 5% for the remainder of the term.

The big news that we didn't get until early in 2012 was that our 2nd mortgage with a remaining balance of around $72,000 was officially charged off. Yes $72,000 of debt was just wiped away.

Now the weird thing was that we had no idea until I went and checked our credit reports in January (like I always do). I was worried about what our credit scores would be and I always check once yearly so that I'm on top of everything. When I got to the Citi line item it stated a zero balance and a note of a charge-off.

We never received any paperwork from Citi. NOT A SINGLE PIECE OF CORRESPONDENCE.
That debt would have been hanging on my conscience in perpetuity unless I had checked the credit reports. Why? Why would they not contact a customer and let them know that? "Yes we know you have no way of paying your 2nd mortgage, so to be nice guys, we will eat that debt." Wouldn't that be good PR? Isn't it my right as a customer to get some sort of letter or notice that I no longer owed $72,000? I thought that was bizarre.

Now obviously I am not at all ashamed that I had a huge debt charged off. Not in the least. If any one asks I will tell them all the details. I'm not a victim. I worked my ass off, as documented here, to get that debt charged off. I am not ashamed of the fact that our family income decreased dramatically since 2008. Times were good in 2006 when we took on that debt. Times changed and our mortgage had to change too. Our house price was grossly inflated when we bought it in 2006, but we didn't know it at the time.

Have we learned a lesson since then? Yes definitely. We are much more careful with our money. The most important lesson that I learned though is that a bank cannot push you around unless you let them. You can stand up for your family, your economic situation, and your home. Regardless of the amount of debt, you still own your home. The bank is a corporation and sometimes a bully, but you can work with them and hopefully find a new solution.

On another interesting note our credit scores have not seemed to suffer at all. Banks and credit card companies use the threat of a bad credit score to scare us into making all payments in a timely fashion. They try and strong arm their customers with that constant threat, but realize that it is just a threat. If I can have $72,000 charged off and not see so much as a ripple in my credit score, it is ONLY a threat. I've bought cars since then and still gotten a 0% interest rate.

I am not afraid to challenge any bank, credit card or utility company.

AZ Snowbowl Scenic Skyride

This is a photo from Saturday October 13th of the Snowbowl Scenic Skyride.
Yes it snowed here last weekend. On October 12th. We had a first snow.
RIDICULOUS. I know.
Carl and I had never been up on our own mountain and decided it was time we got away for a few hours away from the kids and took the ride to the top.
It was awesome. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was cold.
The colors on the Aspen's were beautiful and at their peak for the season.
We were both a little surprised when we got to the top and had to get off. We are used to this altitude since we live at around 7500, but the top of the ski-lift is at 11,500. The guy in front of us had a little case of altitude sickness and spend his first 15 minutes at the top of the mountain in the single bathroom.
The view was amazing, as you can see in my new banner photo under the blog title. My house is in that little valley at the base of the mountain. I usually have the view up, but it is cool to see the opposite view to below.
Running around up at the top after a 30 minute ride I was giddy. The lack of oxygen, the excitement, the need to pee were all ramping me up. We took so many pictures. The sun was warm, the air was crisp, and the wind was only at around 5mph, so it was perfect conditions for our first visit.
Next time I think we'll bring some hot coco and hats.
Overall it was fun and totally worth the $15 per person.

Look New Widgits!

In only took 20 minutes, but I have new widgets. Please share on Facebook if I say something particularly witty or particularly horrible.
Oh and I now have a fever of 101. This is more than a headcold.

Middle of Everything

So I've got a head cold. A drippy, stuffy, sleepy one that is dragging me down.
I've got company taxes to work on,  a group project for school, various other assignments, a huge business expansion to work on, parent teacher conferences, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on and on and those are just the big ones. I've got my balls to the wall.

I need to finish the Casual Vacancy, but it is so tedious and my attention is elsewhere.

I've got awesome photos from last weekend that I need to upload of our trip up the ski-lift, but I can't get off the couch to get my phone.
All in due time.
I'm just trying to breathe.

Being a Woman is Hard

Do I do too much?

I just met a mom this afternoon that has been giving my oldest son a ride home from school occasionally.
I had never met her and I was letting her transport my precious cargo.
Yes, our sons go to the same fancy Charter School. Yes, she lives in my neighborhood. Yes, my son is friends with her son.
I was assuming because of those factors that she would be perfectly safe to transport my child.
And I was right. I was a feeling a little guilty before I met her, but now I am at ease.
Not only is she a neighbor, but our 6 year-olds are in the same class, we run the same ridiculous circuit every morning to the far side of town and then back to our side of town to drop our children off at two different locations, a 20 mile loop.
It's ridiculous that I have never met her.

I do too much. She is a stay at home mom. I like to think that I am, but I'm not.
I work 35 hours a week. I do all the book keeping for two family businesses. I am a graduate student. I am a mother and I am a wife. It's too much.
It's the reverse of how most people think it would be. I feel guilty for working and she feels guilty for staying home. She was trying to explain why she doesn't work. As if she always has to provide an excuse for her 'laziness'. I tried to make her feel better by saying that I would soon stop 'working' so that I too could stay at home.
I feel like I am slacking on my mothering. I should have met this woman a long time ago. I should have gone to parent teacher conferences. I should have chaperoned the Grand Canyon field trip (people fall to their deaths there every week). I should have volunteered for Carnival night.
But no I've got homework, a paper to write, quarterly taxes, payroll to run, oh yeah and I have to make dinner every night and 10 loads of laundry every week.

Why do I do it all? Do I have too? Can I just do 1 thing besides being a mother instead of 4 things?
Should I focus on the family businesses? Should I focus on the family? Should I focus on being a librarian? Should I focus on my rugs? My writing? My blogs?

What is the answer?

Coming Soon...

So I've figured out that what I really want to do here on this blog is entertain. I'm not providing new and fabulous content, I'm simple letting you into the little things that are my life. That's what I like to read in a blog. I like to see how other people live. It's like reality TV for your computer if you are a little bit more literary that most... which I am and I would hope that those of you who read this are as well.
You can join me here or here if you want the book reviews and librarian speak that can get a little tedious here.
Today I have finally come to the conclusion that my days as an elementary school librarian are coming to a close. I will graduate in December with my Masters Degree in Library Science and it will be time for me to move on. I want to use my talents for more lofty tasks that getting 5 year olds to walk quiety through a hallway and showing 10 year olds how to print.
In the next few months I will be exploring my options while finishing up school.
All of my options will fall under self-employment.
I want to try and do it all on my own (that's my M-O). I don't want to have to work in an office or with a set schedule. I will free-lance, work on my rugs, consult, and write.
Also coming up will be some travel info as I plan some massive trips for the summer this year. Carl and I will be heading to Europe for our 14th anniversary and the whole family will be going on a long road trip from AZ to Michigan and returning through Nebraska for a family reunion in August.
Brace yourself fool!

Weighted Hula Hoop

I know it seems like I'm doing a lot of product related posts, but I really am excited about these things, and I feel it is my moral duty to let you, my 4 loyal followers, know all about them.

This is my new favorite thing. I think it was the end of August that I got my 5lb weighted hula hoop.
I now have a waist.
This is major news.
If you're like me and you've been pregnant a few times and maybe even had a few kids you have waist issues.
At the end of the summer I was tired of my treadmill and working on my areas that are already awesome (my legs and ass), so I decided to work on my abs instead. My non-existent abs.
Since then I've been doing a rotation of 30-50 sit-ups on my fitness ball, 20 side-ups per side on my Roman chair, and then a few minutes with my hula hoop (I'm up to 8 min).
And HOT DAMN. I have abs now.

I don't think you understand. I have NEVER had abs before. Nothing, not even a dimple or a shadow. It's amazing.

Now just to be clear I will not be flaunting my abs about like a 16 year old. I am 37. I have numerous stretch marks, and we won't even mention what my skin looks like below my belly button, but above the button I'm good.

I would highly recommend this for anyone who wants to work on their waist issues even without doing sit-ups.

Just a warning though.... start slow. Try 2 minutes at first. You will have bruises. Yes bruises at first. Keep with it. Go up a minute a week and soon you will be a hoola-hooping fool with a waist.

New Apple Earbuds

I just want to clarify that those are not my fingers.

That said, I love my new earbuds. I am very sensitive about my earbuds. I don't like those squishy ones that create a vacuum in my ear. Other earbuds that are not Apple hurt my ears. The buds are so big. The old Apple earbuds were good, but still fell out of my ears when I chewed or sang along with songs. They just worked their way out of my ears constantly.

These new ones are heaven. So cute, so comfortable, so Apple. Why did it take so long for the geniuses at Apple to redesign the shape? It seems like a no-brainer. I can't say enough good things about them.

I ordered mine as a stand alone without upgrading any of my Apple appliances. Even for $29 and the $7 shipping they are totally worth it.

Buy some. I mean it.
Anybody want a peanut?