I seriously need to get a new picute of the mountain for my header now that almost all of the snow has melted.
Now let's talk about drugs.
For the past 3 weeks I've been taking 10MG of Citalopram every day. It is usually used to treat anxiety as well as depression. I think it's a close cousin of Zoloft, but less expensive since it is offered in a generic. Yea for $3 prescriptions at Target.
Now I was told by my doctor that it can take 6-8 week for the drug to take full effect, but I have noticed a difference right away.
I used to get so aggitated driving anywhere and for the past week or so either the number of stupid drivers on the road has dramatically decreased, or they just aren't bothering me anymore.
I used to get home from the grocery store or home from picking up the kids in the afternoon and feel utterly paralized when faced with what to do first.... should I wash my hands first, should I go pee first, should I take care of the kids first, should I put the eggs in the refridgerator first, should I turn the heat on first. This was so hard for me it mentally hurt. Now when I get home that struggle in my head is completely gone. It's obvious what I need to do and I'm not going to wait for my bladder to explode while I do other things I think need to be done first.
I used to aggonize about going to bed at night. Carl would be asleep and it would be just me, my thoughts, and the TV. I had to wait until I was fully asleep before I turned off the TV, or just put the thing on sleep timer. I was scared to death to try and fall asleep without something to distract me. Now I can turn it off when my eyes are getting heavy and fall right asleep thinking pleasant thoughts instead of, "What if the earth loses gravity tonight?" thoughts.
I used to have a hard time during the day (Mon and Wed) when I am home alone. I was starting to shop too much becuase I didn't want to be home alone with my thoughts. It was keeping me from getting things done that needed to be done. I was obsessivly checking Perez and Facebook, now I can go all morning/afternoon without checking and can wait until after dinner to check them. It was keeping me from blogging. Writing is one of the scarriest things you can do when you are afraid of your own mind. Hopefully now that my mind and I are making friends, we can start to get some more writing done.
Now this a big one and somewhat sensitive....... the drugs seem to be making it harder for me to reach an orgasm. WHAT?? Did I just say that? Yes I did. I don't ordinarily indulge in too much sexy talk anywhere. It's one of those subjects that is just between me and my husband, but I thought that this was important enough to note. What if someonne Googles Citalopram looking for it's side effects, sees my glowing review of the drug and thinks, "Wow this is the drug for me!", without knowing that is does have some less than stellar side effects. Now I'm not saying it's impossible to have an orgasm, but just that I've tried all my usual tricks and gotten nothing so far. I'll definitely be trying harder to see if it's an all or nothing kind of thing, or if I've just got to try harder to get there. So far it doesn't bother me too much. Months from now if I am still unsuccessful I'll want to switch drugs, but for now it almost seems like a worthy sacrifice for my sanity.
Life seems a hell of a lot less scary than it was last month. My hormones will be ramping up this week so this will be the real test of the drug. Can I go through PMS and not freak out as usual? This will be the weekend to find out. I'm starting to get excited about projects and the summer and writing and blogging and my rugs. This is the me that I have been missing. Writing seems easier when my brain is not fighting with my hands.