The last few days my head has been feeling fuzzy. I dont' like it at all. It's like that feeling you get behind your eyes when you eat too much sugar on an empty stomach. Everything is muddled and intense at the same time and there is a dull ache in your brain. Now that the Citalopram is in full effect I think I'm in the place where all my mental issues are supposed to be under control.
What I have noticed is that all the horrible anxious and out of control thoughts are gone. The drugs are working wonders at keeping my anxiety at bay.
The icky parts that are left seem to include the uncontrollable part of my OCD. My version of OCD was intimately tied to my anxiety. I developed the OCD to control my anxiety. I count things to distract my brain from thinking about things it doesn't like to think about. Now that my brain is not clouded by obsessive anxious thoughts there is less for it to do, so to compensate my OCD seems to be going on a counting frenzy. I can't seem to walk by anything without counting it. I can't chew without counting. I can't see a short line of text without wanting to count the letters. I count the shadows on the road as I drive. I count the power lines and the mile markers as I pass them.
I can't remember if I always did this or if it is just more noticeable now and it is bothering me. It is literally driving me crazy. I am trying to stop it and I think that might be what is giving me the headaches. I am wrestling with my brain to stop the OCD that was a coping mechanism and is now just a horrible habit.
Luckily I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning to try and figure this out with a medical professional. Hopefully she will have a different drug I can try, or something else that will still my mind long enough that the counting habit goes away. She did tell me that this particular drug does not work for everyone. Maybe it's best for depression or anxiety, but not for OCD. I just hope she doesn't tell me to continue to see a psychiatrist. Those guys are freaking expensive at 1-2 sessions a week at $80 a pop.
In other news related to my Citalopram.... my previous issue regarding a more personal issue worked itself out wonderfully this past weekend. I can check that side effect off my list.
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